Are we teaching our children the art of being happy?

Keywords: children, happiness, health, parenting

Published On: Mar 17, 2009

Last updated on:: Mar 17, 2009

The rise in cases of depression, obesity, insomnia in teenagers, low self esteem, high blood pressure in children, eating disorders, bullying, school violence and even teenage pregnancy are directly or indirectly linked to unhappy children. Whether it is or not, this is again open to debate.

My question is can we teach our kids to be happy -- just as we teach them letters, habits, take them to guitar classes and football classes. Have we told them through our actions that we accept them, our partners, our jobs, our present lives as it is? We strive and work for change but can't wish or it. And after we have put in our best efforts, we have to sit back and await results. Do the kids know that in life as in other places, we have little control on the outcome?

Have we shared with them that though the outcome is not in our hands, choosing not to work for it s not an option but an escape route. And escapist have a difficult time living with themselves. But if we do not work hard, we like ourselves less. And if we like ourselves less, others also like us less.

We are also their role models. While researching for an article Children and television, I realised that parents who plonk on the couch after a hard day's work are teaching their children more than TV watcing habit. Do we crib about our jobs, money, life and are unable to sit in solitude. Then how can we blame our propose to encourage reading habits in children, outdoor play or children or avoid instances of junk sleep. I have written or edited or read most of these articles and therefore I am concerned.

We had friends, relationship with neighbours, books and group games where we imbibed many of these life skills. Today’s children have television, electronic gadgets, game consoles, internet – what are they learning there? We need to sit and figure out what they are not taught in the classrooms and fill the gap to the best of our abilities.

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ian russell wrote at 03:52:19 PM on Mar 17, 2009

interesting points, Mridu. I don't know if happiness can be taught; I saw on Abhijit's last twitter that he was happy but didn't know why and I knew exactly what that meant!

I remember as a teenager my dad would often urge me to ''cheer up!''. This I found annoying because I wasn't feeling unhappy when he said it. Later I understood that most teenagers carry a neutral expression which doesn't reflect the situation they're in. To adults this might look unhappy which is strange because if we travelled back to the time of our fathers' teenage years (not that we can do this: not because time travel isn't possible - it is - but because teenagers is an invention of the 1950s, and my father was well into his 20s by then) we would see our fathers had the same face as modern teenagers do. It's a fact of life.

I feel it's much easier to make people unhappy and we should find out how to do this and then don't do it.

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Mridu Verma wrote at 04:20:55 PM on Mar 17, 2009

Amazing! The "cheer up" bit is so true even today. In act, this is what prompted me to write this journal. I asked my daughter to lay the table this afternoon and she rolled her eyes! I suggested she smile unless there was something that was making her unhappy.

This set me thinking what makes us happy? Here I define happiness as that open positive expression on our face. Can we teach ourselves? Can we teach our kids? To some extent I think we can. Happiness is a decision. A decision similar to being non-violent, being honest, being sensitive, enjoying something, finding value in something...

Maybe, it is a strained happiness the first time you display it. Do it often and suddenly the world looks brighter, the load lighter, and life blessed. I am speaking from experience.

Can someone make me unhappy? Can I make someone unhappy? The answer to both is yes. But just imagine the immense power we have vested in the hand of the other person. Can we try and take back the power from them. It starts with believing we can. Make the beginning, and one day soon nobody has the power to make you unhappy for more than a few moments.

Maybe, it is a strained happiness the first time you display it. Do it often and suddenly the world looks brighter, the load lighter, and life blessed. I am speaking from experience.

Can someone make me unhappy? Can I make someone unhappy, The answer to both is yes. But just imagin the immense power we have vested in the hand of the other person. Can we try and take back the power from them. It starts with believing we can. Mkae the beginning, and one day soon nobody has the power to make you unhappy for more than a few moments.

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Abhijit Banerjee wrote at 05:36:48 PM on Mar 17, 2009

Mridu,

My belief is no one has the power to make us unhappy. It is not even that we concede that power to that person. We become unhappy because we choose to be in that state. It is somewhat akin to self-injury, self-harm. And it is a deviation from our natural state of being. It is an aberration. Our natural state of being is a happy state. But often our thinking mind decides "enough of this happiness business. Let's try the other stuff."

There are countless people who are never happy even when there's no apparant reason for their unhappiness. It is for the same reason. The thinking mind forbids them. Tells them "NO. You stand to gain by being unhappy. Stay put where you are."

If we can learn to stand back from these commands of the mind we will find there exists nothing but happiness. And most often we can't give a reason for this happiness.

As Ian says it is easy to make people unhappy. It's too damn easy. Because they had been looking for a chance to be unhappy.

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Carl Munson wrote at 11:41:40 PM on Mar 17, 2009

We're doing a good job teaching (showing) children how to be unhappy. We're leading by example!

My favourite guru Barry Long warned me years ago that I had no right to be unhappy. And to this day, I think he's right. Unhappiness is an infection, an infestation, a psychic possession - we lead the way when we say: "I won't have this unhappiness in me - be gone!"

What chance to kids have if we show them that following your heart - for example - is an indulgence, luxury or folly. What do we 'teach' them with our moods, frustration and chronic busy-ness/business - not a lot.

Happiness (at least the absence of unhappiness) is our natural state. Kids know that and they are uncomfortable with our betrayal of this fact.

We're screwing the planet up and then asking them to be happy on it - that's rich!

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Christopher Rattenbury wrote at 05:56:32 PM on Mar 18, 2009

Happiness is not always extrinsic it is often intrinsic but alas there are so many influences that impress upon children. Agreed it's a tough world out there and so many pitt-falls to deal with.

If you want to make a child happy, entertain that child, teach them well, engage them in life-skills, occupy them, teach them right from wrong, enforce reasonable rules and give firm boundries, but back these up.
Love should always be at the forefront of any upbringing and controlling their emotions.
The many issues I see with challenging behaviour is the lack of control in their emotions and how angry they can become in the next breath. They themselves make unhappy situations and will dwell on trivia issues, this will stem from poor inter-action, lack of social skills and not being told to get a grip. It's all to easy to let children get away with things and buy them off, but we have all made a rod for our own backs and now seeing the results with our children.

Unfortunately too many parents if they are still around tend to be so wrapped up with a better lifestyle, paying the bills and spoilling their chidren with worldly goods rather than giving them what they are actually crying out for. What are they crying out for?
You know the answer already if you don't then wake up and see what's becoming of our kids.

Finally it's easy to keep a child happy, if you allow them to rule the roost, bully their way to getting what they want, or use childish emotions to play upon your weakness etc then they will never learn. Ok they will find out the hard way in time but on the whole children who are encouraged to engage within good family ethics will often be happy, those who have rules, boundries and taught respect will become better people.

Imagine if you took a night off from the TV went and formed a comedy/drama club for kids would that not be a good inspiration for the children?

It's not rocket science helping a child to be happy!

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